One step at a time, like Abraham

During the separation years, I reminded myself every morning that God led Abraham one step at a time and it should be ENOUGH for me too. 

Genesis 12:1 The Lord had said to Abram, “Leave your native country, your relatives, and your father’s family, and go to the land that I will show you.” 

There was no map or a 3-month plan, or even the exact final destination. Just an instruction: “Leave your comfort zone and go where I will show you” with a promise that his obedience will lead to blessing on both himself AND his descendants. I wanted to trust God’s character, like Adram did, in order for my daughter to grow up with God’s blessing. 

I waited for God to show me what to do while others gave me advice and a logical set of actions. Many well-meaning people told me I should move back to Japan or do this or do that… but I kindly declined their advice and said “I just need to sit with the Lord for a few months, or years. I don’t know where I will or should or need to be, but at least for today I feel that I’m in the right place.” I felt God was calling me towards reconciliation with my husband, even though every visible circumstance was pointing the opposite direction. So I kept telling people that I will stay in this house, keep E in the same kindergarten, and prayerfully wait for A to come home. I must have looked insanely out of my mind, but I didn’t care. I made a conscious decision everyday to trust God instead of EVERYthing/people visible to my eyes. 

When I felt utterly blind, I waited for God to show me the next step. What to write on E’s school papers about next year? How do I fix the frozen pipes of our old house in winter? What was the thing he used to do to fix the car? How much to share with who about what’s really going on? 

When visible circumstances kept getting worse and worse, I sought God to show me. What to do with the depleting bank account? Do I go back to work? How to shovel the snow efficiently while recovering from cold? Should I sign the divorce paper that he keeps emailing me? Do I burn the wedding photo album?

Whenever I started sinking into the blackhole of the unknown, I cried out to God to show me. How long, Lord? Is this my new normal, or will life get better than this? Am I failing as a mother? What’s most loving for E right now? 

With each step, we can hear a little more from God. At first it was scary to not know where we would be or when this season would end. I took each hour, each day, each week, each month, each change as it came. And it was enough. Our Creator God is in control of everything AND cares about every detail of my life. What a relief. What good news. 

Now it means more to me how Jesus followed the Father’s plan day by day (John 5:17,19, 20). We can find many others throughout the Bible who were led by God step by step: Moses and Israel in Numbers 9:15-23, Peter and Andrew in Matthew 4:18-20, James and John in Matthew 4:21-22, Matthew in Matthew 9:9, Paul in Acts 9:1-20, etc. 

When you’re in that “blessed place” of having no one but God, and if you choose to believe His promises persistently for a good duration of time, you will be filled with an unshaken assurance that GOD IS WITH YOU. And no one can take it away from your heart! 

“I love the recklessness of faith. First you leap, and then you grow wings.”